1. I hate that every radio station thinks its funny to play “Baby, You’re a Firework” repeatedly.
2. Unless Dante is right and hell is cold, Texas is hellishly hot in July and I am trying to look cute for picnics while my makeup melts.
3. I feel obligated to try lots of blue eyeshadow and red lipstick.
4. My dogs hate fireworks. So does every dog in the city, county and state. Ask the animal shelters.
5. I overeat at every picnic and then have to explain why I won’t be displaying my bathing suit and jumping in.
6. I look ridiculous in red.
7. I hate the four days after July 4th when the idiots across the street think its funny to shoot off their leftover fireworks at 2:00 am and wake the little people in the house.
8. Everyone is off for the holiday and they all are following me to the grocery store.
9. They even want to buy the same things at the same time! Back off those burger buns already, lady!
10. I feel obligated to try to decorate the house like Martha Stewart would. When I see her work I feel so patriotic I want to sing America the Beautiful.
I feel better that’s off my polka dotted chest. Now I can go off and enjoy that overcooked burger and a beer. Happy 4th!